Following the Heart
Having been raised primarily by women in the absence of a mature and responsible father figure, I have maintained access to something that a lot of people today — especially men — lose touch with as they grow older.
It is in the deepest corners of my heart that I have been living for as long as I can remember. I was lost to this world of feelings and emotions for many years — especially throughout my teenage years and early adulthood when it became most apparent to me that I was unlike any of the other young men around me. Most of them seemed intent on further sacrificing their innocence by pursuing empty, meaningless pleasures and pathways to prove their worth to their peers, both male and female alike.
With no grounded and mature male to lead my home for many years, or to teach me the ways of Nature and the importance of standing rooted to the earth, my energy was trapped between my mind and heart for a long time. I was disconnected from my root and the core of my being, and I, therefore, struggled to be present and exist here in the real world. It was always much safer to withdraw into my fantasy world. In here, I could live without accessing my courage and remain imprisoned by the fear that prevented me from being seen by other people.
I seem to remember having always been a sensitive soul and feeling things very deeply. As a child, I was kind and compassionate, too, and had a tender care for everything — as far as many of my friends throughout my youth were concerned, I would ‘care too much’. It was, perhaps, normal for people to abandon their hearts and cut themselves off from their feelings, but despite so often trying, this was something that I was unable to do. For as long as I can remember, I have been ruled by my heart and very rarely have I become disconnected from it. It is my heart’s intuition and deep love that have led me here to this place today.
‘Here’, as I sit to write for the second time this afternoon, is outside in the mystical world of Nature, beside the River Dee that is meandering peacefully through this charming Welsh valley. I am surrounded by old, gnarled oak trees that stand strong and rooted, like guardians protecting me on the rivers’ banks as I open my heart once again to let the light pour in and transmute itself into words here on the pages of my journal — pages that seem to fill ever quicker these days.
It feels as though I have been taken over by something powerful over the past eighteen months. I find myself writing with increasing desperation to express the depths within my heart to this world and try to reach as many people as possible with my writings and teachings. My writing has deepened significantly since my father passed away a few months ago, and I seem to have discovered words far beyond what I could previously articulate.
Inasmuch as I have intentionally set my own course through the thoughts that I have chosen to entertain over the past few years, I do not know exactly where this force is leading me. What I do know is that my heart has not led me far wrong since this creative journey began back in 2018. My heart, as I come to think of it, has never led me far wrong, as I have, gratefully, maintained my connection to this inner world of feelings and emotions that I lived in when I was a boy. The heart, my mother always said to me, knows the truth, and it’s this truth that I long to share with the world through my photographs and writings, as I seek to utilise the depth of my hearts’ compassion and sensitivity to make the world a better place during my time here on earth.